Aloha!
by Manders1953
Summary: Sephiroth fights his most formidable foe... and it's not Cloud.


**Author's Note: **This is complete and total CRACK! You have been forewarned.

We got this idea at IHOP. That in itself spells insanity. But CUTENESS too! (grin) Oh and yes, this is written by two people.

**Disclaimer:** Dammit, we don't own Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy VII, OR Lilo and Stitch. (tear)

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The gray skies hung over the ruins of Hollow Bastion, the once radiant world torn away by the Heartless invasion.

The scene set upon a despondent ravine, is one of clashing swords and screaming power. Two masters of blades, drawn into battle against one another. One is the master of the keyblade, the savior of worlds. The other the epitome of darkness; the One-Winged Angel.

"I underestimated you, Keyblade Master," the silver haired warrior, Sephiroth, stated with a serene grin, completely infatuated with the battle at hand. With a quiet sneer, Sephiroth flung the keyblade wielder across the ravine.

With a grunt of pain, Sora slowly stood. His two friends, Donald and Goofy, were held at bay by a hand motion. With grim determination, Sora used one of his greatest abilities in order to defeat his talented enemy: summoning.

Sora noticed that Sephiroth did not approach him, instead waiting for Sora's next move. With a hand to his chest, Sora prepared to call out the great power of Agrabah.

"Gen-"

"Ooooh, pretty hair!" came a very high, un-Genie like voice.

The eyes of both enemies widened before twitching as the small blue monster appeared.

The small creature closed the distance between itself and Sephiroth in a matter of seconds. At his feet, he looked up with wide, curious eyes at the handsome soldier. "Silver…"

Sephiroth stared down. "…yes?"

"Pretty man!"

Sephiroth blinked. And stared. And blinked again.

He then looked up and locked eyes with Sora. "What _is_ this?"

Sora rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, "Uh, I kinda found him… eating the wires of the Hollow Bastion computers… and then, he tagged along."

"SEPHIROTH!" a familiar deep voice shouted, echoing through the canyon walls.

Sephiroth rolled his eyes in amusement. Sora waited with baited breath as the spiky-haired warrior in black ran down into the fray.

"Sephiroth! I will never turn to the darkness. If I destroy you, I will be able to find my light." Cloud announced.

Sephiroth, momentarily forgetting about the still curious creature at his feet, raised an eyebrow. "But, my dear Cloud, I am you. And you are me, we cannot escape each other. It's destiny."

Cloud opened his mouth to retort when-

"Gold hair!"

Cloud blinked and looked down. The blue creature that he vaguely noticed during his run to his most hated enemy was now seated at his feet. Its blue eyes wide with curiosity. He knew immediately who this creature belonged to.

"Sora… what were you thinking?" Cloud asked calmly.

"It wasn't me!" Sora desperately declared. "He summoned himself!"

Cloud raised an eyebrow.

"Silver … Gold … ooooh, you complete each other."

The entire ravine was silent. All eyes looked down at the blue alien who looked back innocently. "What?"

"See, Cloud. The silly little blue thing understands. Why can't you?" Sephiroth turned to the ex-Soldier, with an elegant shrug.

Cloud, for once, held no hint of anger or malice. Instead, he replied calmly, "I don't think that's what it meant."

"How so?"

Cloud chose not to reply. They just didn't need to go there.

Sephiroth had stepped closer to Cloud as he spoke, not noticing the mischievous gleam in the little creatures eyes as the silver hair got closer to its face.

"Silver hair…" the creature whispered in awe.

No one heard it.

Sora, however, did notice the creature walk closer on its chubby feet, closer to the "pretty hair." The Keyblade Master's eyes widened and he frantically waved his hands back and forth behind the One-Winged Angel trying to deter the small creature. It was in vain.

"No! Stitch, no!" Sora whispered frantically.

Cloud tilted his head, what was Sora doing?

"Pretty, pretty, pretty hair…"

Cloud heard that. Sephiroth, however, did not. He was still delivering his usual speech.

"Lovely, lovely hair…pretty long hair…yummy hair!"

Cloud's jaw dropped in literal shock as Stitch's large, carnivorous mouth descended upon the end of Sephiroth's gleaming locks.

"Cloud…the dark- _THE HELL_?" With furious movements, Sephiroth spun in slight circles to catch the creature who had bitten into his hair. The creature flung around with his movements, happily attached and cramming more hair into his mouth per movement.

Sora dodged as the creature flung his way, and Cloud was hardly able to move at all. In all his encounters with the demonic angel, never once had something…like _this_ happened. Probably never would again, so he relaxed himself, happily watching in order to retain every delightful moment permanently in his memory. With amusement, he sheathed his sword within the earth and leaned against it, arms crossed.

As the blue haired demon inched slowly up his locks, Sephiroth grew more…irritable. Maybe even a little put out. With grim silence, he looked between the creature eating his hair and his sword, preparing to make the most difficult decision in his entire life.

As he grabbed his hair at the nape of his neck, he raised the lengthy sword and tightly closed his eyes. Cloud hoped he'd start crying. As the sword slipped through three strands of hair, Sephiroth couldn't stand it and started stabbing at the creature instead. Cloud frowned, slightly disappointed, but then recovered as the creature, recently knocked off after a lucky blow, spat the hair at the owner's face. Sephiroth reeled back in shock, holding the remains of a foot of wet hair in his hands. He looked with despondent eyes at the creature hacking up hair on the ground.

Cloud smirked. Sora had moved behind him, terrified. Cloud felt the fabric of his shirt tightening as Sora clung to the silver-haired man's nemesis. If there was any one who could save him now…

"…what are you two doing?" Leon asked skeptically, coming onto the scene of two men tightly clung to one another, and a third lamenting his hair…then there was the blue creature he recalled having found eating wires, now coughing up hair balls. He couldn't help but wonder what it wouldn't eat…and why it had yet to die. Then he shrugged. He had just eaten Sephiroth's hair. Someone was bound to be killed today.

"…Stitch…_is eating_ _Sephiroth_!" Sora whispered with wide, terror-filled eyes, still clinging to Cloud who was avidly watching the amusingly dangerous show. "Do you think he is going to hunt me down like Cloud? Will he _kill_ me? I can't die yet! I have to find Riku! I have to go home! I want to live!"

Cloud had apparently heard the remark and shrugged Sora off, kicking him back to cling to Leon who gazed at him with irritation. "This is your show. Not mine. You handle him."

"I didn't cause this."

"No, you just interrupted, screaming out 'Sephiroth' and running in, sword unsheathed, preparing to kill."

Cloud chose not to dignify that with an answer, instead returning his gaze to the show, where Sephiroth's killing rage suddenly released itself.

Stitch jumped from one rock to another as Sephiroth's sword tore through the air, and into the rocks themselves. "Aloha!" he screamed.

"You're vile; you're foul; you're flawed! Die and make amends!"

**"**Oongatish mista!"

"Stay still blue rodent... I'll make you smaller, and not so fluffy!"

"I like fluffy! Pooama Chicky!"

"Ack! Leave my mother out of this!" Sephiroth screeched, causing Leon and Cloud to look quizzically at one another, wondering how Sephiroth could have understood that.

"I didn't know he spoke…_that._" Leon murmured with detached interest.

"He is…a man of many…talents…apparently…yeah," Cloud replied, slightly distracted watching the silver haired man whack his sword around for the swift alien.

"I love cute and fluffy!" Stitch replied jubilantly, jumping over Sephiroth's head.

And then, Sephiroth lost sight of the blue alien. All he could see was one horrified, albeit cowering, face, one highly amused, and a new, but indifferent face. Leon was still desperately trying to comprehend the situation. It was simply beyond logic.

Silence filled the ravine, and then…Sephiroth knew. He stilled his movements and quickly grabbed behind him, but missed by inches, Stitch shooting up to sit on his head.

"Oh…you didn't…you dare to place yourself on the head of the One-Winged Angel…"

"Does Stitch have to go in the ship?" Stitch randomly asked, wiggling to stay balanced on the frantically swinging head, seeing from Sephiroth's tall form the descending Gummi Ship, sent by Donald and Goofy who had had enough of watching the mighty Keyblade Master clinging to random men like a little girl.

"Abomination!" Sephiroth cried out.

"Stupid-head," Stitch replied, jumping off his head. "Poocha Chubugga Oom Chickee! Hahahahahahahahaha!"

Sephiroth's eyes widened at the insult and even Cloud had to take a step back.

"Merry Christmas!" Stitch announced, dodging the weapon swinging at him from his perch.

"It's not Christmas!"

"Happy Chanukah!"

"It's not Chanukah!" Sephiroth distractedly replied, more interested in getting _it_ off his head than anything else.

"One potato..." Stitch said.

"...two potato..." Sephiroth replied, determined not to be outdone, not noticing the cringe that came from Cloud at his childish reply.

"...three potato..."

"...four..."

"...five potato..."

"...six potato..."

"...seven potato, more..."

"...and..."

"...my..."

"...mother..."

"...told..."

"...me..."

"...you..."

"...are..."

"...it. I win!" Stitch finished, leaping off Sephiroth's head.

"Damn you, foul creature!"

Cloud stumbled back toward Leon, wishing for some stability after that world-shattering conversation. Leon patted his shoulder, completely bemused, and all Cloud could ask was, "What the _hell_ was _that_?"

"…"

Cloud just stared at Leon.

With a determined nod to one another, the two warriors walked away, wondering how they could ever look at that man the same way again. To think, life had once been so simple.

Sora, seeing his protectors fleeing, rushed ahead to grab Stitch in mid-air and bolted towards the Gummi Ship, the silver-warrior following close behind.

"Donald! Goofy! Hurry!" Sora called up frantically.

No sooner had he given out the command, he was beamed up into the ship, Sephiroth's blade cutting into the air just where he once stood.

Stitch and Sephiroth had stared at one another as they parted.

They would meet again.

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**Author's Note:** Like we said, CRACK! But we hope you enjoyed it as much as we did at IHOP. PANCAKES!

Oh, please review!


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